By: Jamie Collins

As one who started out in the field with no experience or legal background, and only a bit of college under my belt, I quickly became a makeshift learner and masterful adapter. You threw punches, I rolled with ‘em (figuratively speaking, of course). Along the way, I encountered a boss or two who was a wee bit intimidating. Oh, who am I kidding? In the beginning, they were all intimidating – all the esquires – each and every one of them. My anxiety around them, and especially around a perceived “scarey” attorney was at an all time high – like there’s a pipe bomb in the building level of high. They were downright intimidating until you got to know them, learned the tricky legal jargon they spoke, and recognized the fact that they were really just regular human beings who possessed small, rectanglar badges which served as reminders of their greatness.

Did I want ever want to run, you ask? Only every single day. The only thing that kept my rear firmly planted in that seat was a desire to become more than I was. It was a shot at a lucrative career. I could wear suits, know stuff, and have a title. It was going to take more than a few dozen, internal, paralegal, near-death experiences to hold me back. I had things to learn.

There were many times early on in my career when I wondered what in the world I must have done to deserve such a scarey and intimidating boss? Seriously? Then, over time, I began to realize that the intimidating attorney wasn’t really an arch nemesis after all, he was, in actuality, the world’s biggest crash course on self-improvement and paralegal empowerment a girl could encounter. What more could you ask for in a boss?

I’ll never forget when we first switched our son to private preschool. He went from a good friend and babysitter we knew well to a “real” daycare facility. I dropped him off one morning the first week, and went to visit him later that day at lunch time to see how things were going. I walked through the door and that’s when I saw it: my little, 14 month old son attempting to sit at a table with a half dozen, other, little toddlers, in an organized fashion, and making an effort to hold a spoon and shovel food into his little mouth. I was amazed. I had absolutely no idea he was ready for such a feat as self feeding at the tiny people table, when he could barely walk.  Yet, there he sat, with those cute, little pudgy fingers wrapped around a white, plastic spoon with a big, happy, but slightly unsure smile pasted across his face.  In all honesty, I was just waiting for him to topple over sideways. Yet, his presence at that table and my presence in a law firm, seated next to an intimidating esquire, weren’t really so different after all.

I could have waited a million years without ever “doing” that – the scarey boss venture. Had I not been forced into the situation, just as Gavin was, perhaps I never would have worked for an intimidating/scarey boss and the kid never would have eaten off of a spoon. Truth be told, I would have ran…fast…as heck…in the other direction. Yet, I was ready. Just as Gavin was ready. And my esquire was certainly ready to teach me and introduce me to the paralegal I was destined to become with his steadfast expectations, high standard of excellence, borderlining perfection, and lack of warm and fuzziness factor. It was all business. It was a living, breathing, learning, hands-on education. It was an opportunity, and it was all mine for the taking.

So, I took it. I spent years working under various attorneys who taught me darn near everything I know. One taught me I could become independent and work with very little direction or explanation. He also taught me that a lovely yellow Post It with a “J” on it stood for “Jamie – figure it out.” And I did. Lastly, I learned that an attorney I may not care for, and who may not care for me (at least in the beginning) can make one heck of a team.

Another attorney for whom I worked was a former English/Journalism major (um, way handy for a future writer…little did I know at the time). She helped me to hone my writing and formatting skills. If a space was off or a title wasn’t in perfect proportion on the page, it was reprinted. We sure did go through lots of paper, but what I learned was a lot more than how to single handidly take down a rain forest. It was to adhere to a high standard and personal code that borderlined perfection. It’s something you really can’t shake and it remains with me to this day. Often, my standard for formatting and appearance of documents is higher than that of the attorneys. I’m sure you can relate. It’s what we do. We strive for perfection.We sometimes fall short, but find ouselves sitting in the land of excellence, regardless. I believe these attorneys were preparing me for what would come next — the most scarey/intimidating boss of all time – the kraken (“krah-kin”). Perhaps you’ve met one…if not, perhaps you will.

He didn’t mean to be, he was just a very busy executive with many companies to run, including a thriving law firm. He had very little time for converation, personalties or other non-essential formalities or means of communication. He would become my ultimate teacher via the old “intimidation” method, intentional or otherwise.

Through our daily interactions, I learned to only communicate “meaningful” information to him.  Let’s face it, when you only have 5 minutes with someone per day (at most) you learn to make ‘em count. And I did. I learned who he wanted to talk to, how he liked his forms, his lunch, his mail reviewed as I watched him sort through it, how to act fascinated as he took a telephone call (or twelve) as I waited, and a grand array of other useful, paralegal skills. There are many times when an attorney will ask you to do something and it seems like such an incredible time waster, but I learned to remember that it was his world, and if he wanted to pay me to sit and watch him read mail or take 3 phone calls in my presence, I would be the world’s most fantastic, “mail-opener watcher” or “phone call listener” to ever grace the doors of a law firm.

As most of you know, the attorney-paralegal relationship is much like a ballroom couple learning to dance as a team. You try to learn how not to step on one another’s toes (or at least not as often) and with enough time and experience, you eventually become swift and seamless, legal, ballroom champions who dance through the halls of the law firm flawlessly, and effortlessly. This takes time…and effort. It is certainly easier with some attorneys than it is with others – a/k/a the kraken.

Most of the kraken don’t mean to be scarey or intimidating, they just are.  In many cases, it’s more about your own, personal insecurity in your job skills or your seemingly infererior position on the law firm totem pole from the onset, than it is about anything else.  It is normal for newbies to fear the kraken. Heck, it’s normal for experienced paralegals who don’t work for the kraken to fear the kraken. Who are we kidding…even associate attorneys fear the kraken. That’s just the way it is. But don’t ever convince yourself you aren’t capable of professionally taking down a kraken and dominating their work world like the paralegal dragon slayer you are intended to become. Most of you can, and will slay the kraken, at some point. Perhaps many of you already have.

An intimidating attorney will make you stronger, better, sharper, more knowledgable, proficient, and confident. You will think twice before speaking, turning in projects or asking questions that don’t need to be asked. In many regards, the intimidating attorney can/will help you to sharpen your critical and analytical thinking skills, make you a far more effective communciator, and a paralegal powerhouse that others revere. Remember those associate attorney quaking in their shiney shoes??? Even they make a swift bee line for the kraken’s paralegal.

So, if the day should ever come when you are assigned to “the kraken,” don’t run! Keep that rump planted firmly in your chair, in a state of misplaced fear, and observe, learn and grow. Become a sharper, more brilliant paralegal than you ever could have otherwise become without the steadfast  help of a kraken.

You may find yourself watching an attorney opening mail or secretly cowering at your desk engaged in the pursuit of mission darn-near-impossible, working for an intimdating attorney. To you, I say: “Stick with it. If it doesn’t kill you, it will only make you a stronger paralegal”…at least in theory. You never know if that super intimidating attorney is destined to be your best self-improvement and paralegal emplowerment coach. And who couldn’t use one of those?

So, take a deep breath, take a lot of notes, and learn anything, and everything you can. One day, you may dance seemlessly together over a pile of pleadings or you can just watch him open his mail with the best of ‘em, but either way, you’ll be on your way to becoming the best paralegal you’ve ever been.

Besides, there’s a special place reserved in paralegal hell heaven for those who work for scarey/intimidating attorneys, and rumor has it…a VIP lounge, embellished in chocolate and boasting an endless supply of Diet Coke and coffee for those brave, paralegal souls who survive the kraken.

I’ll see you there.

Hey TPS readers – have any of you worked for the kraken? Perhaps you are right now. If so, we’d love to hear your funny stories and real life experiences. We’d all certainly enjoy reading ‘em, and they may help to encourage a newbie not to fear the mighty Kraken. (Gotta say this is my new favorite term - ”Kraken.”  It ranks right up there with “dark cloud” – the keeper of the misery).

Guess what? It’s Friday!!!
[insert paralegal happy dance here]

Wishing you and yours a fantastic weekend! We’ll see you soon.

By: Richard A. Cook, Esq. (Guest Blogger)

Reprinted with permission from The Barrister’s Toolbox: www.the-barristers-toolbox.com.

You have officially re-entered the land of TPS. Welcome back! We’re happy to have you. Today, Rich Cook is here to share some common trial strategies and tactics used in personal injury cases. Perhaps you find yourself thinking: “What does that have to do with me? I’m a paralegal.” Well, you certainly got the second part right! That’s why all those people continue to ask you if you want to be a lawyer…right?! Now whether you work in the litigation realm or never see a single day of action in the courtroom makes no difference. We think you’re smart. So read this post!

You never know, perhaps one glorious day, one of these ideas will make its way into that brilliant legal mind of yours when the perfect scenario presents itself and your attorney will be super impressed. At the very least, you’ll have a better understanding of trial strategy. Your class in distraction, misdirection and the art of verbal jujitsu begins right now! 

Distraction, misdirection and appeals to prejudice are common tools of the defense. Ideally, you keep these improper arguments or evidence from the jury through the use of motions in limine. However, sometimes this is impossible to do. What do you do to keep the jury from being misled or distracted by meaningless side issues? How about a little verbal jujitsu! “Jujitsu” is the oriental “art” of manipulating the opponent’s force against himself rather than confronting it with one’s own force. You can do this by verbal jujitsu using effective analogies and counter-arguments. Below are a few of my favorite analogies and arguments. I hope they help.

STREET LIGHT ANALOGY: One dark evening a woman was on her hands and knees under a street light looking through the grass. A man walking by stops and asked what she was looking for. “The keys to my car.” replied the woman. Having some time and feeling helpful, the man joined the woman in her search for her keys. After looking for quite a while with no success, the man asked: “We have been looking for well over 15 minutes here. Are you sure this is where you were when you lost your keys?” “Why no, I lost them a couple blocks back over there by my car” the woman explains as she gestures back towards her car. The man puzzled, asks, “If you lost them a couple blocks back, why are you looking for them here?” The woman without keys responds: “Because the light’s so much better here!” That’s what the defense did here, even though the real issues are two blocks back…

WHEN THE LAW & FACTS ARE AGAINST YOU: In law school they say if the facts are in your favor, argue facts, if law is in your favor, argue law, if neither law or facts are in your favor, argue like a lawyer and try to confuse the jury about what the case is really about. It’s the oldest trick in the book. The defense took a nice simple case that is straight forward and tried to make it complicated by pointing to a bunch of things that really have nothing to do with the case’s merit, in hopes that you’ll forget what this case is really about…

OCTOPUS ANALOGY: The defense is just like an octopus hiding behind a cloud of black ink, they try to obscure your view with their arguments and B.S. However, all you have to do is just move straight ahead through the ink and you can see the truth once again. Most octopi squirt thick clouds of black ink to confuse predators. However, a type of Tremoctopus, or blanket octopus (murasakidako in Japanese), employs a different technique. When threatened, the octopus unfurls a giant sheet of webbing that trails behind like a cape. The webbing breaks apart rather easily when attacked — much like a lizard’s tail — and it gets wrapped around the predator’s face, giving the octopus a chance to flee. The defense took a nice simple case that is straight forward and tried to make it complicated by muddying the waters with a bunch things that really have nothing to do with the case, in hopes that you’ll forget what this case is really about…

RED HERRING ANALOGY: A “red herring” is normally used by people to divert the attention of others from something important; from the central point that is being considered. A “herring” is a kind of fish that turns red only when it is “cured” – that is, when it is smoked and salted. Such a fish emits a very strong smell and in the past criminals made use of red herrings to help them in their bid to escape the authorities. Convicts used the herring to help them throw dogs off his scent. Since the herring had a very strong smell, the police dogs followed the scent of the herring and not that of the escaped convict! The original expression was “drag a red herring across the trail”, but now it’s been reduced to “red herring”. That’s what’s happened here…

AD HOMINEM ATTACK: An Ad Hominem attack falls into a general class of fallacies in which a claim or argument is rejected because of some irrelevant fact about the author of or the person presenting the claim or argument. The reason this sort of argument is fallacious is that the character, circumstances, or actions of a person do not (in most cases) have a bearing on the truth or falsity of the claim being made (or the quality of the argument being made). These sort of arguments appeal to prejudice and bias in hopes that you will ignore your sworn duty as jurors. They are wrongheaded and improper. Lady Justice stands there holding the scales of justice blindfolded. Lady Justice does not care if we are black or white, Christian or Moslem, male or female, rich or poor, married or divorced… Her sole concern is to fairly and impartially evaluated the evidence based upon the law. The defense’s personal attacks on my client have nothing to do with this case’s merits. It is bad enough that they have shamelessly injured my client, now they want to profit from insulting and degrading him in your eyes. These attacks have no bearing on what is a fair and just outcome given the facts and the law in this case which, weigh heavily in favor of my client…

One book which has a number of great counter-arguments is Closing Arguments: The Last Battle. This book is a well-organized collection of miscellaneous arguments and analogies used to explain and illustrate various legal issues and address common defense attorney arguments and tactics used to undercut, confuse, distract or sidetrack juries from the central issues in a personal injury case.

Richard Cook graduated from Purdue University in the Economics Honor Program in 1979 and obtained his Juris Doctor degree from Valparaiso University School of Law in 1982. Following law school, he served as a federal law clerk in the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Indiana, Hammond Division. In 1984, Richard began working as Deputy Prosecutor for the Lake County Indiana Prosecutor’s Office and from there, served as Assistant U. S. Attorney for the Northern District of Indiana, South Bend Division. There he handled a number of complex criminal matters and jury trials. While there, Richard received the Chief Postal Inspector’s Special Award and a letter of commendation from the U.S. Attorney General for his work prosecuting a major money order fraud scheme being perpetrated out of the Indiana State Prison system. Since leaving the U.S. Attorney’s office in 1989, Richard has focused primarily on civil work and is currently a member of the firm Yosha Cook Shartzer & Tisch in Indianapolis. Richard is also a member of the ITLA and the ABA.

Rich also hosts a legal blog: http://the-barristers-toolbox.com/ and a blog discussing cool apps for your iPhone: http://apptousemyiphone.com/.Be sure to check them out!

Hey TPS readers – If you have any other strategies you’d like to share with our super cool readers, just hit that comment button and tell us all about it. The words: “Jello sliding down a wall and seeing what sticks” come to mind! I know those of you working in the litigation realm can certainly appreciate that one. Anyway, we’d love to hear from you, so don’t be shy!

We’ll see on that unofficial, paralegal holiday otherwise known as “Friday!”